06-04-2010
WHY DRESSING ROOMS SUCK
You're not a fat ass, you just look like one.
I have come to the realization that I have no idea what the hell is up with dressing rooms. Whoever designed dressing rooms is a complete and total idiot. I mean honestly, what genius decided that fluorescent lighting pointing directly down over someone is appropriate for trying on clothes? You would think that the stores actually want people to buy clothes, but their dressing rooms send a different message. This wasn't such a huge problem for me until the dreaded swimsuit season arrived. Clothing stores would be better off with funhouse mirrors in their dressing rooms because they are as realistic as what's in there now ... for God's sake, at no point am I walking around with a fluorescent lightbulb hanging directly overhead. If I did, not only would I get weird looks, but I'd look like a fool and, oh by the way, a FATASS.
So, dressing room architects, help a B out and fix this. Do better. Decently normal sized, average women would greatly appreciate it.
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05-11-2010
CELL PHONE ETIQUETTE
Yes, there are guidelines for this.
OK. Picture this. I'm laying out by the pool, headphones in and beer in hand, trying to decrease my level of pastiness. About two minutes pass by and some pot-bellied fool decides to stomp all over my poolside experience with his ridiculous cell phone conversation. I can hear him, over the music playing in my headphones, talking crap to (what I assume to be) an ex-girlfriend. He's arguing about juvenile things like who bought the T.V. and telling her where she can shove it.
OK. After about, I don't know, SEVEN minutes of this, I had had enough. Honestly, you couldn't reserve this conversation for somewhere more appropriate? God, all I can wonder is what would possess him to have this conversation at the pool, in front of random people? You think you're Mr. Big Shot? Well, you're not. You're annoying and you're an ass. Seriously.
The inconsiderate acts of this douchebag bring up a good point. Everyone does not want to hear your ridiculously rude phone conversation. Have some freakin' courtesy ... restrict these conversations to your car, your home ... anywhere that I AM NOT.
I appreciate it.
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05-11-2010
SAYINGS THAT SHOULD DIE
Remove these from your vocabulary, NOW.
A local radio show host brought this up. He says that there are stupid sayings that he is permanently removing from his vocabulary because they're, well ... stupid. Here's what he had:
1.) "Expect the unexpected": Agreed. This saying effectively negates itself, making it useless and absurd. Verdict? ... REMOVE.
2.) "Give 110%": The person who came up with this obviously had no concept of how percentages work. Clearly if 100% is full or the most possible, anything over that is a disaster. Have you ever tried to fill a cup past the brim? ... what happens? ... it spills all over the damn place. 110% = bad idea. Verdict? REMOVE.
3.) "I threw up in my mouth": Ok. This one is a figurative saying. Of course, you did not literally throw up in your mouth, but the thought of it is gross and makes you understand my hate for whatever it is we're talking about. Verdict? KEEP.
So I've agreed with deleting numbers 1 and 2, but there are some that I'd like to add to this list.
1.) "It's not your daddy's ... [insert crap here]": Does anyone even understand this? Every time I hear this, I can't help but think ... OK SO WHAT?! I don't understand how this craphole not being my dad's this or that makes it better??? If someone can legitimately explain this to me then I'll reconsider.
2.) I had something else but I forgot so I'll add it later:)
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05-11-2010
PEOPLE EXISTED IN 1901?
Seriously, that was over 100 years ago.
OK so I haven't graduated yet because I am finishing up my English degree. To be honest, I am completely unexcited about this degree and the only reason I am getting it is to use as a back up. You know, in case my life falls to shambles and the only option left is to teach America's youth. Anyways, I really think the reason that I don't care AT ALL, not even one bit about this is because everything we study is from 1901. Seriously. I don't understand how studying crap from 1901 helps me now, in 2010. Please name one thing that we do in 2010 that is the same as in 1901? ... there's absolutely nothing. I cannot think of any other degree that does this except maybe HISTORY. I don't know what it is about English majors, but they are so excited about crap from 1901. It perplexes the hell out of me. Personally, I think they feel all accomplished and intelligent because they can make it through a book with archaic English from 1901 with some comprehension of the story. Well congratufreakinlations. I'd like to see you put that to some use. Idiots. Next semester's going to SUCK.
